Its Been a While

So what happened to me since my last post..... Holy mackerel, what didn't happen!  I will eventually go back and catch you all up on the in between stuff, some of which was quite amusing..... But, for now, how about I just cover the last couple of weeks. 

Right after Memorial Day I found a green pea sized lump in my left breast.  No biggie, I have fibrocystic breast.  I find a lump, I call the amazing Dr jennifer Manders, she gets me in, does an ultrasound, says its a cyst, asks if its bothering me a lot. If I say yes, she aspirates, if I say no, I go home. Simple.  

Not this time.

This time, its solid.  Insert sad face.  This time we need to do a needle biopsy.  Insert titanium clip...  Okay, that is uncomfortable, I leave with what looks like a cast on my left breast.  Call back in a week.  

A week goes by.  I forgot to call back, because I've done this a few time.   Then I get a call.  Well , Jackie,  this is a little different "atypical lobular hyperplasia".  We need to do an excisional biopsy.  We need to get it out to make sure there is nothing sinister hiding behind it.   I'm at the hospital on Tuesday, let's do it then.   

Okay.   Will I need to take the day off of work?.... Seriously, that is what I asked.  She suggested that I be really good to myself and take the following day as well.  Awesome, good idea, I can take Spen2 and his boyz to Kings Island..... I'm psyched!  

Days later the hospital calls, they tell me I need to have pre-op testing.   'Oh no, I'm just having a biopsy."

"Right, a lumpectomy, I see that.   We will need for you to have a physical none the less"

OK...side note, I've been avoiding my PCP for a couple of years since he challenged me to lose 10 pounds....

I go in for the pre-op on a day when my doctor is on vacation.  His partner doesn't even touch me.    That is my kind of doctor!    He doesn't ask about my weight.  He doesn't make a note.   He signs off on the paperwork while telling me about the boyscout camp he's going to lead the next week.   Done.   He doesn't even ask if I have any questions.

That afternoon the hospital calls back and gives me instructions.  Don't eat after midnight-- who does?  Don't take any aspirin for a week--- too late!  Be at the hospital at 7am---huh? My procedure isn't until 9.... We need to get you prepped and changed.  Who will be driving you home? --- uh, ME.   Oh no way.   You will be put into a twilight sleep via anesthesia, you will not be permitted to drive for 24 hours----me, calculating what time we can leave for Kings Island...OK, my sister or my mother, probably.   Ms Boyd, you will be required to have a driver to be released----okay okay, I got it.  

I arrive at the hospital on the day of the procedure to a flurry of activity.  Take off your clothes--- you mean my shirt and bra?   No, all of your clothes, shoes, jewelry, hair clips..... anything removable in your mouth-like a retainer? No.. Anything removable in your eyes---I'm giggling, picturing Sammy Davis Jr popping his eyeball out at this point.

The anesthesiologist arrives and sees the IV is active (which I figure was for fluids) and asks if I would like something to help me relax----do I look tense?   Me--No, but how about some coffee?!

The amazing Dr Manders arrives.  I immediately inform her that all of these people are acting like I am having"real" surgery.   She asks what I think I am having.... My response.."a procedure"...   "What ever makes you happy, Jackie".   

I figure I may have insulted her a little.  Not considering this as "real" surgery, discounted her status as a "real" surgeon.   This lump was the size of a green pea.  She's going to take something like an exacto knife make a quarter inch slit, pop it out and off I go!

So, I roll into the OR wide awake.... Look around and there are 12 people in the room!

"Who are all of these people??????".  They all started speaking at once.   One person is putting some inflation devices on my legs....I know what these are for....

"Hey, geez, how long are you expecting me to be in here?"

"Do you all realize that you are all speaking at once?  I can't understand..". And OUT.....that's the last thing I remember.

An hour later I awaken with a three inch wound,  another boob cast and one big Dolly Parton boob.

Let's just say the next day was not spent at Kings Island.