The Real Jackie Taggart is NOTHING like the Easter Bunny

Well, well, well, what a blessing to live to see another Holiday weekend.   Easter is THE highest of Holy Days.   You would think I would be able to control myself leading up to the High Holy days...NOT.   Shaking my head.  Listen y'all, I am for real, a nice lady.   Really.  Sometimes it just doesn't show. 

This past weekend was one of those times. 

Back story:  I didn't take off on Friday because it was the end of the month/quarter at work.  Nikita - 20yr old Sophomore at Georgetown College--majoring in Vocal Performance (yeah, really, that's a major--but, that's another blog) is coming home for Easter and bringing a friend.   Nikita is THE BEST KID IN THE WORLD...  yeah, I know what you are thinking and I have no idea how she ended up in this family either.   She brings home a friend who lives too far to just go home for the weekend.   Nikita is at the hair salon, so when I leave to take Spen2 to Easter Pageant rehearsal, so her friend, Darian, goes with us.

We get to the church and sit in a pew mid way back.   We live too far away from the church to leave a come back in an hour.  I'm not that  thrilled about listening to an hours worth of poetry recitation, but, hey, I am a mom, we make these kind of sacrifices.  The first child, a teenager, reads the "Easter Story".  The uncut version.   Listen, this story was so long, I thought they were going to have to get the paddles out for me...."Clear!... great, I think we have a pulse.... She's back". This story was so long, I am inspired to do some home bible study just to prove that some of that story HAD to be made up!

Next up, four little ones under age 4 to recite a prayer in tandem.  Horrible.   But they are just toddlers.... I guess.  I bite my lip...and keep my seat.   The next kid goes up.  While these kids have done a great job of memorizing their poems, the delivery is AWFUL. 

Now, mind you, our pastor's wife is in charge of this program.   She is sweet and kind, the consummate elementary school teacher..... She wouldn't say "shit" if she had a mouthful.   She never mention's that one kid after the other is DREADFUL.  I grab Darian's hand and squeeze, I feel her (the real Jackie Taggart) rising...'Darian, don't, let me stand up.'

One kid after another gets up with no energy, no enthusiasm, no light and mumbles some sing song mumbo jumbo without making eye contact with anything but the ceiling.   And I sat.  With a death grip in Darian's hand.   Pastors wife gives some instructions and compliments them on their work in memorizing their poems.  She appeared ready to release them.

Then it happened, the real Jackie Taggart burst out of the cage.  '"I think they need to go over that one more time.  As much as I wanted to, I couldn't understand much of what was being said.".   And with no malice or anger directed towards me for jumping the curb and getting out if my lane, pastor's wife indulged me and had them start from scratch.

'Wok wok wok wok wok wok wok wok".  Then I had an almost out of body experience.  I willed my mouth to shut, it would not.  I tried to move my legs back to my seat....they wouldn't go. 

"Pardon me, sweetie, what are you saying, boo boo?  Does anyone have a script?  Sweetie please, look at me.  Don't swallow your words.  Lift your head.  Project your voice.  Stand up straight.  Are you chewing gum???   No seriously, does anyone have any idea what he is saying?  Try that again.   Do you want to be here?  You have to say EACH word. I'm fairly certain that isn't a word.  Try it again.  I know someone has a script.   Spell it.". 

After about an hour it sounded more like "much better, just make sure you look up.   Fantastic, can you give me some facial expression.  Great, pause after you say that for impact.  Perfect, you nailed it, do it that way tomorrow."

The good news is that the kids had a flawless Easter program.  The bad news Spen2 now has a mom that the other children in our congregation  refer to as "The Cobra".  Oh well, everyone has their cross to bear.